There are thousands of movies, stories, self-help books, songs, videos and blogs about them.
But what does a healthy relationship look like to you?
You have relationships with so many people around you—friends, partners, parents, siblings, advisors, bosses, employees, neighbors, mechanics, hair stylists…
And the list doesn’t stop there.
While the kind of relationships you have vary greatly, if you’re like most people, you want each of them to be friendly, uplifting and well balanced.
So, what steps can you take to ensure that your relationships are as good as possible?
There is no magic formula; however, there are some things you can do to foster fulfilling relationships.
The most important relationship ever
How you think of and treat yourself plays a very important role in what your other relationships are like. This is because the quality of your relationships reflects your thoughts and feelings about yourself.
Since you’d like people to kind to you, be kind to yourself. Cheer and motivate yourself. Be gentle and encouraging when you make a mistake and acknowledge and reward yourself for your accomplishments.
Also, set aside some time to assess what your needs are and practice asking for your needs to be met. Stand up for yourself when you need to. Let go of any expectations to be “perfect.” Learn to be vulnerable with others and to allow others to help you.
When you respect and love yourself, it’s impossible for others not to do the same because…
You live in an ocean of motion
Everything is in a constant state of motion or vibration. These vibrations range in rates or frequencies from very high to very low and everything in-between.
The rate at which YOU vibrate depends entirely on your thoughts, feelings and attitudes. Positive, growth-oriented thoughts produce high-frequency vibrations. Negative thoughts produce a low-frequency.
Each of us, in every moment, are radiating a frequency into the world. And the really interesting thing about them is that they are constantly seeking a similar frequency to connect and harmonize with.
In other words, our thoughts, feelings and attitudes attract people who think (and feel) on a similar frequency.
Everyday sayings like “they’re on the same wavelength” and “misery loves company” reflect this invisible energetic reality. We are inevitably attracted by and attracted to people whose vibratory rate matches ours.
Man (or woman) up…
Another thing you can do to create good relationships is always taking responsibility for your feelings and behaviors. When you realize and accept that someone you have a relationship with cannot “make you” feel or do something, it becomes easier to feel empowered within the relationship.
Your relationships will also be healthier if you respond rather than react to difficult situations. See, when you react to something, it is in control of you. But when you take a few moments to think about it and then respond, you are in control.
For instance, many people feel anxious around conflict. But it helps to recognize that you can choose to respond rather than react to the situation. Your choice determines how you ultimately feel about it.
If you decide to scream and argue or walk out, you’ll feel much different than if you choose to address the issue respectfully. In the first case, you may end up feeling resentful. In the second, you will feel relieved if the conflict is aired and resolved.
Think right toward people
Many people only think of their personal life when thinking about creating good relationships. However, it’s also important in business.
After all, no matter who you are or what position you’re in, your success depends on the support of other people. That’s true whether you’re a CEO, salesperson, or entry-level employee.
Without other people’s buy-in or support, how do you get people to carry out your instructions, vote for you, or buy from you?
To advance or achieve your goals in business, you must be likable. Because when the time comes to consider names for a promotion, a new job, or an honor, decision makers give more weight to whether someone is likable than their education, experience or expertise.
As Dr. David Schwartz says in the Magic of Thinking Big, “A person is not pulled up to a higher-level job. Rather, he is lifted up.
“We are lifted to higher levels by those who know us as likable, personable individuals. Every friend you make lifts you just one notch higher. And being likable makes you lighter to lift.”
There’s no magic formula but…
Incorporating the following 12 standards into your everyday life can help you create and maintain healthy relationships:
1. Learn to remember names. Most people consider their name to be the most beautiful sound in the world, and they will pay more attention to sentences in which it appears.
So, when you first meet a person, listen closely for their name. If it is a difficult name to pronounce, you might politely ask the person to spell it for you. This will help you remember their name. Once you’ve got it—use it effectively.
2. Be a comfortable person, so there is no strain in being with you.
3. Develop a relaxed easy-going personality so that things do not ruffle you.
4. Don’t be a know-it-all. Be genuinely interested in hearing other people’s ideas and encourage them to be open with you.
5. Study to get the rough and irritating elements out of your personality, even those you may not be currently aware of.
6. Get rid of your grievances by doing all you can to heal every misunderstanding you have had or now have.
7. Leave others with the impression of increase, and they will give genuine affection to you.
8. Accept that everyone is different, and each person has their limitations. Don’t expect anyone to be perfect.
9. Stay tuned into positive thoughts. Find qualities to like and admire in a person, not things to dislike. And don’t let others prejudice your thinking about someone else. Think positive thoughts toward people—and get positive results.
10. Don’t monopolize conversations. Encourage others to talk. Let the other person talk to you about his views, his opinions, his accomplishments, his concerns…whatever is on their mind.
11. Don’t blame others when you experience a setback. Accept responsibility and think of ways to turn things around.
12. Since time began, we have been told by the wise that giving is much more beneficial than receiving. There’s one thing you can give every day that would cost you nothing but provide you with great compensation. Smile at others and pay attention to the reaction you get from every person you give one to.
Reread these guidelines. Notice that there’s no philosophy to try to get even here. There’s no strategy to stew and letting the other person come to you to patch up your differences. There’s no “I know it all; other people are stupid.”
When you approach your relationships in this manner, not only will you be happy in life, but you’ll also be on top in sales, the arts, sciences, politics, or whatever industry or field you’re in.
To your success,
P.S. If you are unsure whether your closest relationships are healthy, the quiz below can help you.