There is a very vivid memory that still plays in my mind the evening my Dad passed away. Moments after my Dad’s passing my Mom and I hopped in my car to head back to her home. Surprisingly I noticed that my Mom didn’t appear to be very sad. Even though my Dad had a stroke and had been in a nursing home for a couple of years with dementia, his passing felt like a big loss in my life and truly felt sad. Perhaps my Mom was dealing with her grief differently or perhaps she wasn’t sad that he was now gone from her life. I wondered if the latter was even possible.
We began to reminisce about Dad. I asked her a simple question: “Mom, you and Dad were married for more than 55 years. That seems like such a long time!” I continued … “Out of those 55 years that you were married, how many were happy?”
My Mom contemplated my question for a few minutes. I could see she was seriously thinking about her answer. There was silence in the car and then she spoke. “Six!”. I was shocked. I said: “Whoa! You were married for 55 years and you were only happy for 6 years?” to which she replied … “Not 6 years, 6 months!”.
Was my Mom trying to be funny? Was she attempting to lift some of the sadness by making a joke or was she serious? Sadly, she was (excuse the expression) dead serious.
It is noticeable for a child to recognize the type of marriage your parents are having. After all, you are around your parents most of the time when you are young. My parents’ marriage never appeared to be happy. There were few moments of joy that I witnessed between them, and those moments usually involved hanging out with their friends, parties, and alcohol.
My parents also struggled financially and I believe they allowed that financial struggle to play a role in their frustration and frequent disagreements. There was another challenge that played a big role in my Mom’s unhappiness and that was my Dad’s infidelity. I witnessed first-hand the powerful impact that my Dad’s fooling around had on my Mom. I know there was a period when she was so distraught that she had no will to go on. When I was 14 years of age, my Mom attempted to take her own life. She didn’t succeed with her attempt, thankfully, but it was a clear demonstration of a deep level of sadness.
Bob Proctor has taught me that, as a child, we learn from observation and our behavior is often “learned behavior”. Learned behavior comes from what we observe from people of influence in our lives (like our parents). My parents fought all the time. My parents struggled all the time. My parents were angry most of the time. My parents never expressed love for each other or for us kids.
By the time I was a teenager I was extremely insecure and miserable and felt unloved. I was attracting relationships in my life, but they were far from healthy. I did not have a role model of what a happy, loving, committed relationship looked like. And, anytime I did get into a relationship, even though my partner may have expressed their love for me, and their commitment, I never believed that they would stay committed nor did I believe that they loved me. I expected men to cheat! I expected men to stop loving me.
As much as I would sabotage relationship after relationship, inherently within me there was a natural desire to have a loving and committed relationship. I believed in lasting love. I knew it was possible.
After going through several relationships, finally, when I was 30 years of age I met a man I wanted to marry. Although, like all my previous relationships, after we were married, this relationship started to deteriorate. It wasn’t long before we recognized this marriage was going to end in divorce. We had a child together and our son was a toddler when we made plans to divorce. The thought of having to share custody was a painful idea for me. I wanted to be with my son all the time, not some of the time. I loved being a Mom. It was my greatest treasure.
When my marriage ended in divorce, I recognized that even though it was a painful life experience it was also my greatest learning experience. I recognized that there was a pattern that was occurring in my life with my relationships. The pattern of sabotage. I would get into relationship after relationship only to sabotage them because I was afraid of being hurt and felt unworthy of love. This is a recipe for relationship disaster.
Once I developed the awareness for this pattern and chose to do something about it by working on my own confidence and developed the knowingness that I am a loving being, things started to shift for me. The first thing I did was heal myself. I knew that for me to have a healthy, loving, committed relationship, I first had to experience and have self-love. Through the process of affirmations, visualization and commitment, I became a healthy loving being.
Today, I am happily married to my soulmate, Denis. My husband Denis and I deeply love each other. We have been together for well over 12 years and every day in every way our relationship gets better and better. The dream of attracting and enjoying my ideal love relationship and experiencing lasting love materialized for me and, for that, I give thanks every day. The healthy relationship that I now enjoy has had a powerful and positive ripple effect on my life as well. I know that my business has increased year after year, but most importantly, my enjoyment in life is at a level called “bliss” and I truly feel totally fulfilled.
To attract my husband Denis into my life I started by making a decision. One day I decided “it was time”. It was time for me to attract genuine love in my life. I became clear on what my partner would be like. I visualized my partner and I enjoying time together, doing things that couples do; going for walks holding hands, having romantic dinners together, sharing family events, and, all the while, smiling, laughing and truly enjoying ourselves. I felt the deep feelings of connection, commitment, and tremendous joy. I knew that I was worthy of love and acted as if my partner was already in my life. Within two weeks of making that “it was time” decision, I met Denis while walking my dog Noelle. Denis had moved into the neighborhood and he was doggie sitting a friend’s dog. My dog Noelle walked up to greet the dog on Denis’ front lawn. The moment I set my eyes on him I felt an instant connection. A few weeks later he dropped by my house. I invited him for a coffee and we started dating the next day. The rest, as they say, is history.
A love at last scenario is possible for anyone, regardless of their role models, upbringing and past experiences. Believe in true love, embrace it, visualize it and decide that, the time for you, is now.
Peggy McColl is a New York Times Best Selling Author of 12 books. She offers a free Morning Money Class series. Every day, a short video (generally 3-5 minutes long) is delivered to your inbox with some of the most valuable money tips free of charge. To receive a free daily email video lesson about simple ways to attract more money into your life, sign up at http://go.proctorgallagher.com/e/45802/2017-06-23/3dq18n/1180936769