A couple of weeks ago, we posted “5 Paradigms You Didn’t Even Know You Had.”
If you missed it, here are the paradigms we discussed:
- Everything is fine.
- I’ve reached my income limit.
- My best days are behind me.
- I am unlovable.
- I need the world’s approval.
We also asked you to tell us the #1 paradigm you would like help with.
Well, the votes are in (thanks so much for the tremendous response!), and we have a winner!
The paradigm that received the most votes is—
I need the world’s approval.
So today, I will cover specific strategies you—or someone you know—can use to overcome this need.
Remember, we all have paradigms. While the following suggestions are for changing the need for approval, you can adapt the principles and ideas to help you start to shift any paradigm.
Two ways to change a paradigm
Self-will is not enough; there are only two ways to change a paradigm.
One is an emotional impact. That is when something hits you so hard that your life will never be the same. It’s usually of a negative nature, but it can also be something that is positive.
The second way is to change the paradigm in the same manner it was formed—through repetition of ideas. It is exposing yourself to a new idea over and over again until it replaces an old belief(s) that is in your subconscious mind.
Today, we will focus on exposing yourself to new ideas repetitiously. But first, let’s take a second to review how needing the world’s approval plays out in people’s lives.
Does this ever happen to you?
When you want to do something new—something that will cause you to stretch—you look outside of yourself for validation before moving on it.
Instead of setting your sights on what you want and coming up with a plan to get it, you seek approval, appreciation, acknowledgment and guidance from your employer, co-workers, friends, clients or parents.
Or you look at current or past circumstances to prove that you’re on the right path because you doubt your ability to succeed.
If any of that sounds familiar, here’s what you need to know…
It’s not who you are that’s holding you back;
it’s who you think you’re not
To stop looking to the world for approval, ultimately, you must understand two things…
The first is that you are God’s highest form of creation and spirit guides you at all times. The second is that when you have a strong desire to do, create, or express something, it is divine discontent. It is Spirit calling you, so it’s important that you answer the call.
When I was considering closing my law practice to start working in the personal development industry, I was terrified! I didn’t know if I could cut it in a new industry. And, yes, I wanted my other people’s approval, particularly my dad’s.
But when I faced and then walked through my fear, I felt so much relief. And I grew into a new version of myself.
I promise you this…
When you walk through your fears, you’ll start to understand who you really are. And the more often you do it, the less important other people’s opinions are.
Where the rubber hits the road
So how do you get to the point where you move forward without worrying much (or at all) about what others think of you?
Here are three things you can start doing today:
1. Increase your self-esteem. Whether you need other people’s approval or not, I highly recommend that you read or re-read Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. Study it every day for at least 30 days. Do the exercises it asks you to do. It is a fantastic book that changes the way you see yourself, which sets the stage to overcome any paradigm.
2. Write and read the following statement repeatedly:
It’s not who I am that is holding me back; it’s who I think I’m not.
Place this statement somewhere where you will see it many times a day. The more you increase your self-esteem and realize what you’ve got locked up inside of you, the less you’ll look to others for approval.
3. Create and use affirmations. Using affirmational statements to change your beliefs works.
When Andrew Carnegie asked Napoleon Hill to do the research that ultimately led to the creation of Think and Grow Rich, he told Hill to repeat a statement to himself, looking in the mirror every morning and every night.
Here is what he told Hill to say:
“Andrew Carnegie, I’m not only going to equal your achievements in life, but I’m going to challenge you at the post and pass you at the grandstand.”
Hill followed Carnegie’s instructions and it worked! I encourage you to use affirmations in a similar manner to change the belief that you need others’ approval.
Here are five examples to get you started:
I am so happy and grateful now that I take action on my desires knowing that I am divinely guided at all times.
I am so happy and grateful now that I have a high opinion of me.
I am so happy and grateful now that I am aware that I am God’s highest form of creation. I have awesome power, and I know I will work the rest of my life to use it.
I am so happy and grateful now that I am adequate for all situations.
I am so happy and grateful now that I have the self-esteem, power, and confidence to move forward toward my goals and dreams with ease.
These affirmations are only examples. Make sure you choose words that are meaningful to you. Then, impress the new ideas—by focusing on them, visualizing them and repeating them with feeling—on your subconscious mind repetitively.
If you do these things as instructed, you will start to see that there’s no place you need to look outside of yourself for approval or security.
Prime the engine
To speed up your results, consider doing the following exercises:
1. Create a Personal Success Journal/Scrapbook – Locate pictures, certificates, trophies, letters, etc. that illustrate your past accomplishments.
You can also write about any experiences where you achieved a goal through effort, talent, or sheer perseverance. Be sure to include important details that only you know:
• How did the pursuit of the accomplishment come about?
• What were the challenges and barriers to your success?
• Who was beside you?
• What were the joys of the work and the final result?
• How was your accomplishment marked or celebrated?
This is a fun exercise that will remind you of how capable you are.
2. Week of Yes – For one week, say “yes” to unexpected invitations and requests. The point is to move out of your comfort zone over and over. You’ll be surprised and delighted by what happens when you open yourself to new situations.
In addition to committing to the strategies above, practice doing small things that demonstrate that you have a high opinion of yourself.
Robert Russell said, “To be great, do little things in a great way every day.”
Start doing everything in a great way, and you will start to believe in yourself more and need the approval of others less and less.
There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to create the life you want. It’s time to show up and be seen.
What I’ve shared today are all simple exercises. Yet, they are all useful in helping people use the power of their mind to change the quality of their lives.
I hope you’ll put this information to use or share it with someone who can benefit from it.
If you’d like to dive deeper into understanding and changing paradigms, including how to overcome limits on your income, join the LIVE Stream of the Paradigm Shift on October 5th – 7th. You can enjoy the entire seminar—and the replay—from your computer, phone, or tablet. Get the details here.
Your paradigms are preventing you from growing into your gifts. It’s time for all of the coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt to go.
To more and better,